I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
