I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
