I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He felt like a one man threesome
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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