you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
