To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
