before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
