you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
