You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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