I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i think my cat just said my name.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
