Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
