i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
