She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
