After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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