So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
