so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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