my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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