You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
