is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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