I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Randomize
