he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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