I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
