Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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