I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
