I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she told me i tasted like america
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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