I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My vagina just recognized that song.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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