Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
