So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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