did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize