Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
