You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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