Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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