before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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