its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
