so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
