you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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