I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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