while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
