is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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