Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
