i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
