He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
