ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
