I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
