I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
