Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
