is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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