new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
