I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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