Got a toothbrush?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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