His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
